In my early childhood; as early as ten months old I felt the anguish and pain of trying to express who I was inside. In my mind, I thought as a thirty-three-year-old woman, but my body wouldn’t do what I wanted it to do and my mouth wouldn’t form the words I was thinking. I felt the pain and frustration of not being able to express myself fully to those around me. What was strange, I didn’t know who these people were that called themselves my mother and father. As a small toddler around the age of two years old, I would not respond to the name they were calling me. I didn't know to whom they were talking to, frustrated I would say in mind; “I am me, I am I.” My mind and soul began to fully awaken as my body was developing in this present life.
I stayed focused on my inner reality because I was most comfortable with the ones who knew me and was guiding me from within. My dream visions and awaken visions gave me the courage I would need in this life to fulfil my purpose.
My whole life was centered on who I was and not whom family or people thought I was. I knew at an early age I had to hold onto my true self and what was given to me by my spirit guides within; it wasn't easy. The expectations from family and people outside of the family didn't know me; this is when the pain began to grow within. The adults around me dictating how I should act and how I should speak. I thought, just speaking my mind and the truth was good enough. I couldn't understand why they would want to change me; because I was the one who knew my purpose and they didn’t. It's funny, I was either told; "You think you know everything, you are strange, weird, you have a flip tongue, you are stubborn, you don't listen or you are a witch."
Yes, this made my life hard because; if I knew I was right I would answer back or question why I couldn't express myself. Most times those in authority had no answers and would tell me to be quiet and sit down, but I wanted to prove myself right; I knew in my heart I was right. My eldest brother told me one day when I was about fourteen years old, “You just do what they say and don’t respond, as long as you know.” Well, that never sat well with me, because I thought that would be considered a hypocrite or fake.
My quest was to fulfil the dreams, visions and instructions that came to me as a child; which were many. I waited for the time when I would be able to live out my true self without concern what other people thought. I was blessed and gifted affirmations along my pathways in life. Every dream vision and awaken vision unfolded before me – and I knew I had to live "Who I am and not who I never was."
We all have something about our life story that could help someone who is in search of finding their true self within. “Nothing is minor in our life that is not major; every experience counts!” – FCSH
I would love to hear about your story. I know someone out there needs to feel your experience and words of encouragement; we all have mind, body, soul and spirit.
Send me an email – and I will share your words of experience.